date: Monday, October 24, 2005 @ 1:39 pm
title: 25 days..
For the past 25 days or to be precise 25 days 13 h 39 min is all over after yesterday's weeping and moaning over those issues that were raised without any signals.
I'm a ghost now.
Bitten once, scared twice, never thrice.
This is the second time I cried non-stop from the sunrise until sunset.
The first time was when I was just a naive and innocent little ruddy boy.
This time round.. I can't breath a complete sentence. Just this one word - 'unrealistic'
Maybe just having dreams is better than desires.
Maybe now I finally felt the agony of Cassio.
It has never been about reputation.
It's all about relationship, bond and trust.
I'm a empty wineskin now.
My wine was unholy and defiled.
I'm tainted and I have lost what I was passionate for.
Maybe this is the consequence for not listening to instructions.
I'm now nothing much but a commoner struggling to turn around and discard what meant to be something beautiful but was shattered by my bloody rough hands.
I can't bring myself to whisper it.
I would rather run away than to think about it. I would rather serve the roots and unearth the remainings and burn the soil. I would rather build a tombstone and crave my tears with blood and sweat. I would rather be cut off from the wired society and hid within the shadow of the skyscapers.
I would but I can't bear to. Life has to go on. The world will not stop turning for a minute being who refused to listen to instructions. Moreover, the earth is just a footstool. I'm defiled and my skin is filled with boils.
Even so, I will still smile and just be who I am used to be.
Contented self.
Until instructions are given again.
Until the birthright is recommissoned again.
I will just walk the walk and shut my mouth.
It's a choice that I chose.
It's the best for eveyone.
Forgotten is my middle name.
Rotten is my nickname.
I need some time.
Not to reflect but to be alone.
Home alone..
